World so Cold
by ChrisouMiri
Summary: Otonashi seems to be the only one that remembers the time spent in "Heaven", so when he goes to look for Kanade, no one seems to remember him or Heaven.  Why does it hurt so much to be the only one that remembers anything?  Slight AU. Otonashi x Kanade.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** Yes, I am doing two Angel Beats! fics at the same time because I am just that b-a, I wish. The reason behind this madness is because these two different ideas came at me at the same time while I was trying to think of just one idea. I had the words of this title stuck in my head, but I couldn't see it fit Hinata and Yui so I figured I could make something out of it with Otonashi and Kanade.

I _**had**_ a different version of the beginning of my fic finished but when I went to compare GiMeBoMeGi (Girl Meets Boy Meets Girl) to WosoCo (World so Cold) I accidentally closed the wrong one and didn't read it because I thought I was closing GiMeBoMeGi. So there went WosoCo and what I felt was a really good beginning since I freaking spent _**forever**_ typing out the last scene of freaking episode 13 [sorry everyone, I have to rant a little] I don't want to watch and pause every few seconds I am going to just going to put the scene as I loosely remember it, so it isn't the exact same.

Also, please forgive any humor that might be randomly inserted into the story. Though I am not sure where humor is going to find any room in this story.

**Warning: **This is slightly AU, and based directly after the end of the show, and I am going to begin it with the last scene, so if you haven't watched the last episode, then please don't read this. I really don't want to spoil the anime for you. But if you could kindly remember me _after_ you have seen the episode, then that would be awesome.

Also, as I am not sure which couples I will introduce, I may or may not introduce crack pairings. Please refrain from complaining and flaming against any crack pairings I may have.

**Full Summary: **It appears that Otonashi is the only person that remembers the time spent in "Heaven". He recognizes everyone from the SSS; however they do not remember him nor each other.

So when he approaches Her, she sees him as a lunatic and is wary around him. He's not crazy! She has only graced his dreams ever since he reappeared on Earth.

He knows that he and she shared a special moment before coming back to Earth. He just wants her to look at him like she did. God, it hurts so much, being the only one that remembers. Why? Why is he the _only one_ that remembers? Why is _he_ that only one that remembers? Why?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Angel Beats!

_Dedicated to my epically cute Kanade and my easily corruptible friends._

**World so Cold**

_Chapter 1: Searching for Her_

_When the last of the SSS members disappeared, the orange haired male looked at the silver haired female and smiled ever so gently. He held his hand out, his palm facing up. The girl looked at it as if it were a trap. "Let's go on one more walk. I would like to do it once more before we disappear," he said kindly. It only a took a moment before his warm smile turned into a happy grin after he felt the coolness of her small hand grasp his much larger and warmer one. He loved it when he got to hold her hand._

_He lead the way through the school. The young man took everything in, was this really going to be the last time he looked on these walls? It was surreal to walk through such an empty building. They went to the stairs that lead down to the track. The orange haired male let go of the girl's hand and continued to walk a little more. For a while he stared down and out at the NPCs that were running around the track in the setting sun. "Kanade," he started as he was turning to look up at the girl at the top step. She reacted just enough to let him know that he had her attention. He always had her attention. "I was thinking, why don't we stay here? There are others who are like Yuri. We could help them."_

_She stared down at him, "I guess," she simply said._

_There was no clear indication on whether or not she thought that his idea was a good one, so he continued on, "These new people will be sad, if not mad, and will not be able to let go of their sadness and move on from here," he explained._

"_I guess," she said once more._

_He started to get the feeling as if she thought that his proposition was a bad one. He swallowed before adding, "I feel as if I should be here, to help those people. I would like it if you stayed with me so that I am not lonely here. We could do it together," he said softly. He watched as she walked down the stairs he spoke. "The reason behind my asking is…" he paused. "Well…" he paused again. He was a little nervous to confess such a thing. He couldn't remember a time when he had spoken such a confession, and now, after dying, he was going to confess to her. "I…" he paused once more. It was so hard. "I love you," he managed only through pausing after each word. He grabbed her and pulled her close so that heart head could rest against his chest. Now that he had managed those three words, he said them again, with more confidence. "I love you, Kanade."_

_She couldn't say a thing, lest she ruin the moment. She just contented herself by listening to those magical words. God, she wanted to say them, but she didn't want to ruin it, not yet. _Just a moment longer, please, God_, she thought._

_Her extra moment didn't last long, he finally realized that she hadn't said a single word. Not an "I love you", or a "Thank you", not even an "I hate you". Anything would have been better than silence. "Why haven't you said anything, Kanade?" he questioned as he pulled away._

_If he only knew, he wouldn't have asked. "I don't want to, not right now," she answered, trying to close the small gap between their bodies._

_He didn't keep that gap closed for long, though, he pulled away once more, "Why don't you want to say anything?" he asked. He didn't like it._

"_Because, Yuzuru," she said, finishing what he had done, "I regretted not thanking the person who gave me my heart," she answered._

_He looked dumbfounded, "What do you mean?"_

_She walked away from him, she was watching the water cascade down. "Your heart beats in my chest," she answered softly._

"_H-how do you know that?" he asked, he was in shock. His voice betrayed his emotions. If she was watching him, his actions spoke even louder._

"_When you told me to prove to you that you weren't alive, I stabbed you in the chest and you had no heart," she answered calmly, maybe a little sadly. "When you put your head on my chest, your body remembered the sound of its own heart, and you regained your memories from that recognition," she explained. The male she called Yuzuru was taken aback and didn't say a thing. "I wanted to thank the person who gave me this heart so much that I wandered here," she added._

_The silver haired girl turned around and looked up at the orange haired male. "Yuzuru," she began, there was already pleading in her liquid amber eyes, "can you say what you just said again? One more time?" she asked._

_Yuzuru looked petrified with the request. He couldn't do it, she was going to leave if he did that! He couldn't lose her! Not after almost losing her once before! "N-no, I can't, Kanade. I don't want to lose you!" he yelped in fear of the inevitable._

"_Please, show me what you've known this entire time," she pleaded with her ever so gentle voice. "Show me that life is worth its while," she begged again._

_He couldn't take it; it was too much pain for him, thinking, rather, knowing that she would disappear after he said those words again. He did love her, though, so he didn't want to deny those feelings, but he just did not want to lose her. "I can't…" he muttered helplessly._

"_Yuzuru," she pleaded once more, stepping closer to her. She didn't say anything besides his name, the name that only she called him. She watched as the orange haired male stopped moving away from her. He was longer looking at her as if she was a monster. She offered the tiniest of smiles, hoping he would break down and grant her that one wish so she could move on._

_He sucked in his breath and closed the gap between the silver haired female and himself. "I love you, Kanade," he said softly that he wasn't sure if she heard him. "I love you, Kanade," he said a little louder, a little more boldly. "Please stay with me," he added._

_She had heard him the first time, she would have said something but he was already repeating his confession of love. She could imagine what it would sound like if he had a heart in his chest, it would be pounding so very hard, and it would be loud. "Thank you, Yuzuru," she finally whispered, closing her large doe-like eyes._

_He held her close to his body, he could already feel the tears threaten to fall. He was already missing her. God, why did it have to end like this? "Please, stay with me, Kanade, I love you," he said in one sentence. He could feel her nuzzle closer to him, closing what little space there was between the two of them._

"_Thank you so very much," she said, looking up at him. She smiled at him and just like that she was gone and the weight that disappeared caused the male to collapse on the ground._

_He clawed at the air, maybe, he thought desperately, maybe he was just going blind and she was the first thing to go from his vision. He could handle blindness, but when nothing physical was touched by his flailing appendages, and his vision didn't continue to go, he finally realized that she was truly gone from this world. He was sobbing by this point in time, and he was beyond the point of hysteria. He screamed her name before burying his face in his hands to sob more wildly._

* * *

He buried his face in his hands and groaned as he tried to wipe that persistent memory from his mind. That moment had been haunting him ever since _she_ left Heaven. He tried to concentrate on the sound of the train going over the rails. Anything but her. The orange haired male didn't use to like listening in on private conversations, but at his current state of mind, he needed everything and anything to keep his mind from going completely insane with loneliness. He also rationalized that he was listening in so he could find his friends from a different life. He thought he had heard Hinata once, but it turned out to be some black haired guy that he didn't know. Although, the guy did wear a uniform for a baseball team and the orange haired male often took a second or two to wonder if the blue haired guy went back to playing the sport that he loved most.

For a moment, he couldn't help but smile at the memory of the last baseball game he and Hinata played. Yui, the loud pink haired girl, had tackled him before he could catch a baseball. She just wanted to attack him, but she did so much more, she stopped Hinata from catching the baseball and quite possibly disappear prematurely. Just for a moment his spirits were lifted, but then he remembered whose team he had been playing against. Hers. Just like that, he was back to groaning and remembering all of the bittersweet moments between the two of them. Did she really have to leave him like that? Using his love so she could move on and leave him behind?

He leaned back in his seat, stretching his long legs out. He had been searching for his friends for three weeks. He didn't have a clue where they were, but he always had a nagging feeling that they were somewhere near, never more than a few minutes away, but every time he followed that instinct, he would feel as their presences had just left, making him feel even more alone than he already felt. Out of the corner of his eye he saw someone sit down at the end of the train. She had short, hot pink hair, she looked a lot like a certain singer that disappeared at the end of a concert. For a moment he paused, he had that nagging feeling that someone was around, and she sure looked an awful lot like Iwasawa…

He casually stretched his arms up in the air before bringing himself to his feet and walked to a seat across from the girl. She had headphones in and she was looking out the window, even though there was nothing to see. For a moment he gazed out the window too, and he shuddered as he remembered where he had died. He tore his mahogany eyes away from the window and looked down at the girl, he could hear her music, there was no way she would hear him if he thought to call out her name, which he knew for a fact was Iwasawa. He tapped her shoulder gently, smiling. He was in much better spirits now that he had found someone from another time.

She looked up at him, confusion was written all over her face. It had been a long time, maybe she didn't recognize him. She pulled one of her white headphones, "Can I help you?" she asked cautiously.

"Iwasawa, hi," he said kindly, sitting down next to her. He watched as she scooted away from him, she was wary of him now. "It's Otonashi," she thought she heard him say, "it's been a long time since we've seen each other," he did say, trying once more to jog her memory.

"Yeah…" she stared at him skeptically. "How do you know my name?" she asked.

"You were part of the divisionary team that Yuri created."

"I don't know who you are talking about, much less what you are talking about," she was growing cold, which was rather unlike the kind girl he knew. "I am pretty sure that you don't have the right person," she added.

Did he have the wrong person? He couldn't imagine being wrong about something that should be as innate as picking out one of his friends. Plus, that nagging feeling couldn't be wrong; he definitely knew this girl with hot pink hair. "You sing and play guitar," he stated, although it ended up sounding more like he was questioning her.

"Yes?" she was ready to bolt out of the doors as soon as they slid open. She wasn't going to stick around and entertain that freak.

"I really do know you," he tried again.

"You really don't, look, I am sorry. You must know a different Iwasawa, but I am not your friend," she said softly. She was beginning to see the pain of someone desperate. He was searching for something or someone, and he thought she was it. She knew that pain, being lost and desperate, she was over it now, but in a different time, she needed something or someone. She just didn't want to be his something or someone. "I hope that you do find who you are looking for, good luck, Otonashi," she said softly before grabbing her bag and got off of the train when it came to a stop. She was no where near where she needed to be, but for the sake of them both, she knew that they needed to part ways.

He watched the girl clad in tight blue jeans and a red tank top under a jean jacket exit the train, he sighed softly. She didn't recognize him, why? She had shared with him her past. She had a father who abused her mother and she learned to love music in order to escape the reality of her own cruel and hopeless world. She lost the ability to sing when a clot formed in her brain after she had been thrown back by her father. He remembered her story and yet, she couldn't remember telling him. It never dawned on him that she had used his name. It never dawned on him that he had never told her his name.

His stop was the next one; he shouldered his small white bag and leaned against the metal pole that was part of the last seat. His mahogany eyes watched the brick wall fly by, it was an endless line of dark gray. He was disheartened by the fact that she did not remember who he was, or apparently, her time in Heaven. How is it that she couldn't remember being dead? Or rather, how is that he remembered dying and living in heaven? Was he the only one that could remember anything? He wondered. Be began to write it off, maybe Iwasawa forgot because she had been on Earth much longer than he had been. How long was he in Heaven before he too returned to the place that he was reborn? Maybe, as he goes on, maybe he would forget too. Did he want to forget his friends? No. Did he want to forget Kanade? Definitely not. What about the pain that he went through? Although painful, he absolutely did not want to lose his memories. He couldn't be the only one that remembered everything. Iwasawa had to be the odd one out. He was sure of it.

* * *

When he got off the train he ran up the steps and out of the tunnel. He couldn't help himself, he still remembered the time the tunnel collapse, he hadn't quite gotten over that. He wasn't afraid of the tunnel so much as he didn't want to risk it by being underground longer than was necessary. He looked around at the people on the street, he was trying to look for Her, but anyone from his second life, as he liked to call it, would do just as well. Meeting Iwasawa, although a failure, had given him a new hope. His nagging feeling was finally right, though, right now, it wasn't there. Maybe he should give up the search for the day. More than likely, he exhausted his luck with the fruitless meeting on the train. He also had to study for his entrance exam. He was still set on becoming a doctor. He wanted to be able to help people like his younger sister (who never returned to Earth, and was never in his Heaven, which he assumed meant she went to the real heaven). That was where he set off to, to his own apartment.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh, my goodness, I finally dragged my lazy butt off to finally finish this chapter. 9it should not have taken me a week plus to write this.) It feels so rushed in the end. Ugh… I am sorry. I promise the next chapter will be better.

I didn't want to rush through this fic because it's not the same as my other one. I want Otonashi to meet everyone again, I promise I won't bring one character at a time, but I really wanted to use Iwasawa since she was the first to move on.

You will have to stay tune to see what happens next.

Please review, I will address what you guys say at the end of each chapter.


	2. Second Go

**Author's Note: **I am struggling to write stuff, my muse has seemed to run away to go on vacation…. Because I used her so often before these fan fictions… Sorry to make you wait. -_-

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Angel Beats! or the song title that I used for the title of this chapter- cookie to anyone who knows who the singer is!

_Dedicated to my epically cute Kanade and easily corruptible friends_

**World so Cold**

_Chapter 2: Second Go_

Otonashi looked all around him as he walked through the streets of his new home. It wasn't the same place that he was born, but he didn't think that it would be easy to explain where he had been for so long if anyone bothered to ask. He wasn't about to test out what people knew or thought about his absence. He didn't even know how long he was away from the real world. For all he knew, the time he was in the second life, it could translate to mere hours, maybe even seconds. He remembered that dreams, although felt rather long, did not even last for very long in reality. So, maybe he could apply the same theory to death and coming back, but it was not a risk that he was willing to take.

As he walked home he saw a bunch of siblings walking together. Some of them were older brothers with much younger sisters and he couldn't help but think about a time prior to his desire to becoming a doctor and a time with a younger sibling of his own. She used to take his sorry excuses for gifts because he never paid attention to what he was picking up for her in the means of those comic magazines. He sighed softly as his past haunted him for yet another moment. It seemed that he lived more in the past than he did in any time frame.

The orange haired male shrugged his shoulder as he adjusted the strap on his bag. It was more out of habit than anything else. He sighed as he forced himself to think about studying for his entrance exam for medical school, this time he was going to succeed in taking it this time! No distractions! No thinking about the SSS, no thinking about _her_… No Hinata, Yui, Yuri, or Naoi, no wondering what they could possibly doing. Though he could imagine that Yuri was bossing around a new group of kids in high school. She was probably intimidating all of them into doing all her wishes and wiles. Yui was definitely trying out the activities that she missed out in her first life. She would probably exercise the wrestling move that he had to endure one too many times. Hinata, that was no brainer! He was playing baseball, waiting for the perfect to smack it into Yui's window. That pink haired girl would be so mad; Hinata would have to be her first victim for the move. Naoi… he'd probably be looking for people to do his bidding as well, he had a different way than Yuri did, but it was just as scary. He could be very persuasive, so long as he wasn't distracted by any pretty boys. (Otonashi was convinced that the green haired male was gay, he didn't prove to him otherwise.)

Okay, so Otonashi was no good at not thinking about his friends and the memories that he had collected over the time he spent in the Afterlife. They were good memories for the most part. He could count on his hand the bad memories, so all in all, he had a pretty good second life.

He chuckled as he climbed the stairs to his apartment and thought that he heard a girl squealing about something cute being in danger. That sounded like the mostly silent ninja that he often worried about. She felt some sort of competitiveness towards him after the second mission- the trip down to The Guild. He looked over the railing and sighed, of course he was right when he thought the voice sounded familiar; he didn't want to put up with another rejection of memory, especially with someone that barely spoke to begin with.

He watched as the ninja girl ambled up a tree to rescue a kitten that had climbed up a tree that it was too scared to climb down. At least she still went out of her way to rescue cute things and at least this time it was a real creature. The black haired female had no problem getting the cute little tabby; when she was on the ground she put her face against it's gray and black striped fur. He couldn't help but smile at the sight.

The mahogany eyed male clicked his tongue against his teeth as he was continuing his way up the metal steps. It seemed like the inaudible sound caught the sound of the ninja because she looked directly at him. How-? She cocked her head slightly as if she was trying to remember him from somewhere, but that teeny moment was over before the almost-college student could react. She was shaking her head and walking away, to the end of the park that was further away from the apartment that he was staying at. Well, so much for avoiding the rejection that he didn't want to put up with, he sighed softly as he made his way up with loud clanks. The stair well was less than safe in his opinion, but the apartment was what he could afford and it was close to the university that he was wanting to study at.

He slowly unlocked the door, all the while hoping that the slender female would come up to his apartment (how she would know where he lived exactly he didn't think about) and introduce herself or even better, tell him that she remembered him from the time she spent in the second life. He knew that he was hoping too much so he shoved his shoulder against the door (it liked to stick) and walked into his almost completely bare apartment (he hadn't had the money to buy anything except a futon which doubled as his bed and his couch and a few other essentials that he could afford from the three weeks that he had been working. He kicked his shoes off and put his bag by them and walked into the apartment, flicking on the light in the kitchen as he ventured in to gather himself a meal of some sort.

_WoSoCo_

After dinner he sat on his futon and propped his books on his lap as he stared at the pages willing the words to imprint themselves into his brain when he heard someone scream outside. It sounded like a young male. It sounded familiar. He sighed, he was starting to think that if it sounded like someone he knew, then chances were, he probably knew that person. "I forgot again!" screamed the voice. There was a rush of footsteps pounding past Otonashi's door, since there was nothing to block the view of his window the male watched as a small boy flew by. The young male had brown hair and a slight feminine build, otherwise the definition of Ooyama, who always forgot something or another. The orange haired male wondered what it was this time, it couldn't be anything trivial, like a meeting with the brunette's best friend. He couldn't help but laugh at the young man as he flew down the rickety stairs, his footsteps making the metal sing a creepy song promising ill will towards the next person, always promising and never really fulfilling the promise.

_WoSoCo_

The next day the adult male woke up to the beeping of the small, plastic alarm that he got from the store that he worked at. He had set it the night before to get up to add in a little more studying before going to the school to hopefully test in. He all but crossed his fingers at this point. For the first time since he reappeared on Earth, he did not dream of her, but rather, his dream consisted a rather large, and imposing needle, chasing him down a hall. And of course the needle wasn't weird enough with it's much larger than life size and it's ability to chase him, it was speaking to him, mocking him. Telling him that he wasn't cut out for being a doctor, he couldn't do it, he was too stupid. He had no heart. So on and so forth. The voice wasn't nearly as imposing at the rest of the object, the voice was super high pitched and just annoying, so if it wasn't for that, he would have considered his dream to be a nightmare.

He rubbed his face as he woke himself up and groaned, that was the most ridiculous dream that he had had ever had. He kept remembering the super high pitched voice and how it laughed manically whenever it felt like he was pinned in a corner, and then all of the sudden a door would always appear behind him and he would fall through them each and every time because the doors were always open. The needle would get mad that he had momentarily escaped it once more. It would complain for a couple of minutes, giving the human time to scramble away, gaining a lead. "No more reading about needles before bed," he muttered to himself as he raised off of the futon and took everything off so that he could reconstruct it so that it looked like a couch once more. He then folded his blanket and put it on the end, topping it with his pillow. He was such a pathetic looking bachelor…

_WoSoCo_

After breakfast and about half an hour of studying he had gotten ready and was walking out of his apartment when he walked right into the brunette who he apparently (and unknowingly) lived next to. "Oh, s-so s-sorry, I-I didn't s-see you there," the younger male admitted shyly.

The other man tried not to laugh at the young man's shyness, he shouldn't- oh wait… the thought sobered Otonashi up. "Right, it's alright, no need to apologize," he said kindly. "So, err… neighbor," he didn't want to freak out the young man like he did with Iwasawa, "you forgot something yesterday? Is that… something you do… often?" he asked cordially, the corners of his lips lifting up in a small, knowing smile.

"O-oh, y-you heard that?" the young boy blushed; he began to rub the back of his head, he was clearly embarrassed. "I forgot to pay my rent," he laughed lightly. "A-and I kind of f-forgot a-about my d-date," he blushed further.

The mahogany eyed man couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow up. He never pegged Ooyama to be the dating type just simply because he was attached to Fujimaki's hip in most instances. The only way he could see the boy dating was if it was a double date, but Fukimaki didn't seem like the type that would date; that guy was not that friendly. "How do you forget about a date?" he asked teasingly.

"Good question, m-my date asked the same thing. C-can I admit something?"

"I'm all ears."

"W-well, we're neightbors and all, s-so you might w-want to know in-in case y-you s-see s-something," the poor boy's face was flaming and they hadn't even made to the stairs. "Y-you s-see, my-my date was… a… um…"

"Guy? Let me guess, best friend in the whole wide world?" he supplied, smiling just a little too much for any person to take normally. He couldn't help himself when the brunette's face flamed brighter than any red the college bound male knew about.

"H-how did you know!"

"I can't tell you, we'll stick with this, if you knew, you'd be a lot more comfortable around me," he laughed, ruffling the kid's hair. "Well, before _I_ forget, I have to get going, I have to take a test, catch ya later, neighbor," he grinned as he began to walk ahead of the kid. He didn't trust the stairs if there was more than one person on them.

"See you, Otonashi!" the kid called out, this made the man pause.

"What did you say?"

"I f-forgot?" the brunette answered, tilting his head, his large eyes did really look like he didn't remember what he said. His large brown eyes fell on Otonashi's bag, "Aah! I forgot my schoolbag! See you later!" he hollered as he scampered off back to his apartment to retrieve his forgotten item.

Otonashi watched him hurry away before he shook his head; he knew that he had heard his name fall from that boy's lips. He knew that he questioned his sanity, but he wasn't about to admit that he was hearing things. That had to mean that somewhere, in the recesses of Ooyama's memories he did know who his name was! Maybe Iwasawa did too! But how come he didn't remember saying the orange haired male's name? This was getting all too confusing and he didn't have time to muse over the thoughts that were going through his mind. He had a train to get on and get to the school before the gates closed and he would have to reschedule his testing and pay more money.

_**To be continued….**_

**A/N: **Urgify…. Short~ This is complete and utter crap! The only part that I liked writing was Ooyama's part. He is sooooooooo cute! *Fangirls* Ahem…. Okay, there's not much to say, again, cookies to whoever names the artist that sings Second Go, maybe a one-shot?

By the way, I am definitely looking for a Beta for both of my Angel Beats! fics.

**Comments to reviews:**

**Blitz12: **Now that you mention it, I haven't seen any lately. Huh...

And thank you. ^^

**darkmistressofsilence92: **I already hate your penname, Wife.

I wanted to give him a hug just watching episode 13, now I am putting him through this, I think Otonashi will need hug therapy before this is over and done with. xD

**Gin Nezumi: **Haha! Thank you!

I co-wrote a couple of fanfics that never went and got anywhere, and they were abandoned. So technically I haven't written a fanfic; however, due to my many years (seven) of role playing, I have learned to write, and I love to do so. So it makes me very happy when you say that I write well.

**Kevin: **They are supposed to be making a new season of AB! so there's that. I have no idea if they are going to include the old cast with the new, I hope that they do, though.

Thank you.

**Bubblegumlight: **I love Otonashi x Kanade, though I was more betting that Otonashi and Yuri would have wound up together, not that I don't like that pairing, but with canons, unless I truly adore a crack, I stick with canons.


End file.
